Kenya or Bust

Our church had monthly "Mission Meals" to help support ministries that work to change our city.  We would eat a meal together at church and collect the money we would normally spend going out to eat. 

Last night my community group had a mission meal for my trip to Kenya.  Can I just tell you, I have amazing friends!  Not only did they give generously, they showed their support through their interest, encouragement, and advice. 

I am so thankful for the opportunity to go to Kenya and cannot wait to share the experience with my community group.  I am blessed.

I got this text a few weeks ago....

While sitting at lunch with friends after church a few weeks ago I got this text from a friend in Houston.

I won't pretend I didn't get a little teary eyed....  

During my senior year at Baylor I started to develop a heart for orphans...specifically orphans in Africa.  I had spent two weeks in Thailand the previous summer on a mission trip with my church's college group.  It was my first trip out of the country and when I came back I couldn't really imagine international missions would be a big part of my future, so I knew my heart for Africa had to be something God was growing in me.

It wasn't unusual for me to end up in tears anytime someone mentioned Africa so I decided to look into a couple of teaching programs in Tanzania and Kenya.  When it came time to fill out the applications I didn't feel at peace about it and decided to apply for a teaching job a little closer to home.

Seven years and a text message later....I'm going to Kenya! I don't know a lot of the details yet but I am excited to see how God fulfills this dream He placed in my heart years ago.

I am not a blogger.

I am not a blogger. If my ten posts over five years didn't confirm that, then my year and a half hiatus certainly does. I couldn't even remember my password to login. I blog in my head all the time. I'm constantly making lists of things I want to write about but I never quite get the pen to paper...or in this case the fingers to keys.

I think most of my hesitation stems from feeling like I don't really have anything to say.  Plus I want it to be the perfect balance of funny and serious; relevant.

So I'm going to try to be a better blogger...not for increased pageviews or comments, but for me.  I want to have a record of this journey I'm on to becoming me.

Being Common

Last week I finally took the plunge...

After I graduated from college I was excited to be back in Fort Worth and start my “grown up” life. I figured I would return to the church I had grown up in because I was comfortable there and I don’t like change. I quickly realized that maybe that church was no longer where I needed to be. There were certain things I thought I needed in a church home that it was missing so I set out on a four year journey to find it….name almost any church in Fort Worth and I’ve visited it. 

While I was in the middle of the great church search my good friend, Kristen, got involved with a church plant. It was interesting to hear about the process and the people involved with it and soon two more of my friends got involved with The Commons. They kept suggesting I visit and by this point I had been to so many churches I had lost count so what was one more. Besides, if my friends had jumped on board it had to be pretty good, right? 

So, I finally caved agreed to walk into a stranger’s house one Sunday after meeting them for breakfast. I had no idea what to expect, but had been warned that someone named Steve would probably ask me a lot of questions. I don’t really remember much about that first visit other than thinking I had gotten off easy with the questions and The Commons was just too small for me. 

I continued my search and finally found a church that met all my expectations. I settled there for awhile and it was easy to blend in and soak up solid Biblical teaching without pouring into anyone else. I soon realized I had been looking for a church based on what I thought I needed and not seeking the Lord in where he was leading me. 

I returned to The Commons, now at Sue Crouch, prepared for the interrogation I knew was coming. As it turned out I would avoid all the questions again because I visited on “broken face Sunday.” In all my church wondering I had never met a group of people who were so welcoming and genuinely excited to see a new face and soon I was hooked. 

To make an already long story short, after some initial reluctance, I knew The Commons was where God was leading me to grow and serve. It has been amazing to be part of a church that “does life together” and serves the community with love and joy.

Believing Better Things

At Milestone’s night of praise this summer I heard something that has found a permanent place in my heart. One of the worship leaders had the kids come to the front while he explained how we should be believing better things for the kids in our lives. My first reaction…well yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t we?!?! My thoughts immediately went to Will and Allie. Of course I’m believing better things for them. Better education, better opportunities, better success, better faith. It seems only natural to want the best for those you love.

But since then that little phrase has turned into a first class thought grenade.

What does that mean? What does it look like? How do we do that? For whom?

So I’ve spent several weeks trying to define this in my head, trying to decide what my part is and whom for. (You probably got there faster than me, but eventually I made it too.) Each year there are 22 nine year olds who from August to June may spend more time with me than their families. Hello, welcome to my personal mission field.

It usually doesn’t take long before I know exactly what each kid is dealing with at school and the struggles they face at home. And for my kiddos that could be anything from having one or both parents in jail, not having electricity or enough food, or having too much adult responsibility at a young age. I say “He/She doesn’t stand a chance” several times every year. And sometimes it doesn’t seem like they possibly could, but I’ve realized that’s not believing better things for them. Who am I to say what their chances are? So, I’m giving it all to the only One who can.

My goal for this year is to believe better things for this group of kids, to pray truth over them, to be Jesus in skin to them for the seven hours a day they are with me. In the rush and stress of the day it’s easy to forget I have the opportunity to teach these kids more than math and reading. For seven hours a day I have a captive (well almost) audience waiting to see what I will do and say. I pray this year I believe better things for my students; that they will see something different in me that can only come from Jesus Christ.

He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”
Mark 10:14

Peace and Joy

For the past year I have been visiting churches with my friend Jennifer. This has been a tedious process for us as we have gone to the same church since we were wee tots. I've been missing Sundays at Wedgwood for awhile now, and was growing anxious to be back this September.

This Sunday I drove the familiar route to the corner of Whitman and Walton. It made my heart happy to see the church where I spent much of my time as a young kid and teenager. I felt like I was home.

It was important to be back this Sunday because today marks ten years since the shooting at Wedgwood. I was feeling apprehensive about today as it drew closer. That night is never too far from the forefront of my mind, but it tends to pop into the spotlight more regularly each September. Would this anniversary be harder than past years? Would I be overwhelmed by grief or would I be able to choose joy? Would my mind linger on the ugliness and pain of it all, or would I celebrate a life and faith?

I decided to take the afternoon off so I could go to the cemetery where my friend Cassie was buried and up to the church with Jennifer. We ended up going to Cassie's parents house to take them some flowers. We didn't want to intrude on their day, so we hadn't planned to stay long, but before we knew it we had spent three hours looking through old pictures, reminiscing, and laughing. Somewhere in those pictures I found something I didn't realize I was searching for...peace.

Looking through the pictures with the Griffins reminded me that Cassie had 14 full years before she went home to be with Jesus...fourteen years that her faith grew and reached out to others...fourteen years of laughter, hugs, and smiles...fourteen years with family and friends...fourteen years we can be thankful for and rejoice about.

While the scar will always be there, I feel the Lord has healed the wound from September 15, 1999. It has taken me exactly ten years to figure that out. So, today, I choose to be thankful for the time we are given...I choose to believe God wastes nothing...I choose to live by faith...and I choose joy!

What are your goals?

I've been putting off writing this for five months now. Partly because I wasn't sure what to write, but also because I wanted it to be perfect...perfectly funny, yet serious; perfectly coherent and meaningful; even perfectly spelled. Then I realized how stupid that was. All I can do is be me, which means this will be anything but perfect.

I took Will to the Mayborn Museum in Waco this summer for his birthday. While we were there we got to have lunch with an old friend I rarely get to see. It was great to catch up and do a little reminiscing.

In a "let's get vulnerable" kind of moment he asked me "What are your goals?" My goals?!? What kind of goals? I had no response. I realized I hadn't thought much past graduation and finding a job. So there I sat, wondering if I was living a life of aim, or if I was on the verge of aimless living. And it's been something I've been thinking about ever since.

I wrote this right after I graduated from college and after stumbling across it a couple weeks ago, I think I'm a little closer to figuring it out.

I learned a lot from both my classes and experiences at Baylor; probably more about myself than teaching. I walked across the stage with more knowledge and (hopefully) more wisdom, but ironically, I feel a bit more lost as to my purpose. I am excited to open my eyes to the world, and be reminded of it all...

So, in putting it all together I've decided my goals stem from my purpose and my purpose stems from Christ; to know Him and make Him known. My goals...to be the best daughter, sister, aunt, friend, and teacher I can be. To go to Africa; to love on kids who don't have anyone to love them; to be Jesus in skin for them. My goal is not to save the world, Someone has already come to do that, but rather help people see that He still comes when we call to Him.